Thursday, April 21, 2011
On mondat 18th april, i have submitted the last assignment in GCU. It marked my last day as an official student for now and maybe at least a good 3 years from now. Now will be the pending of the results that I heard will be released on my birthday! Hopefully I will do well. As long as I have put in my best effort, I think I should just let nature takes its course. I believe results will be fair and do me justice (:
a shooting star flew past at
I do deserve a good break. I will think a short while will do. When it gets too long, life becomes meaningless and especially when you need to budget your allowance well enough to survive. Tomorrow, I will write a longer post to reflect on what has been going on here for the past 7 months, my experience, my feelings and what I have learnt.
I will also write a post on my goals and hopes for the future.
On a side note, seeing how people are going on with their lives in Singapore, how my team mates and others are improving but I just could only stay on the same spot or even like the snake and ladder game, sliding down faster than i have gone up. This feeling sucks. The feeling of finally you are being erased from people's life and minds is even worst. Not self-pitying now. Just make me realised how time and space can really make people distant. How realistic this can be. Even when you have tried. That's why it made me sceptical how true when people told me they will miss me and stuff. How many percent of it is really genuine? If it is genuine, why is it always one way? Why must it be me that send a card to send my regards? Then there will be a reply to say thank you, hope to see you soon? And why is it when there is a motive, then you will start a conversation to ask how am I? And worst still, if i do not bother, we can best not talk for a good 7 months. Sorry I dont mean to generalise here. This only meant to some people I thought was important to me, but in the end, this fact over turn everything. I wont say I am a fanstatic friend. Because sometimes I am guilty for not keeping them. Because sometimes, family comes first. Because sometimes, I am just more comfortable with myself. Because sometimes I am selfish, I do not want to be responsible for anyone. But, Ian has given me more insights. Maybe is not that I like to be by myself but I do not want to let anyone down, so I rather choose to be responisble for myself. Or maybe I am just afraid people will let me down, so i choose to be dependent on myself. Vice versa, that is one reason I like individual sports or even assignments.
So are you as guilty as me? Trust is something I ought to learn and need to learn.
5:42 AM